I Thought it Was Love

One year after ending my marriage I became friends with a guy on Facebook who I didn’t know (we will call him Brad). He sent me a message and it was instant fireworks All the butterflies. He was soooo cute. He had an adorable daughter who was the same age as my girls. He said all the right things. The problem… he lived 4 hours away. His family lives near me though and he was coming the next week to visit. Since he would have his daughter, the only way we could meet was by having a playdate with our kids. I had never let them meet anyone and I was hesitant. A guy I work with and trust actually knew him back in high school and said he was a good guy so I agreed as long as the kids thought we were just friends. We met at a park and I knew within minutes he was different. I opened up and told him things I had never told anyone. I was so attracted to him. We spent every day that week together with our kids. The second day while the kids were in a bounce house he kissed me. My daughter saw. She ran and told the little kids. My younger daughter immediately started asking him to carry her and I could tell she thought that meant he was going to be her dad. I was upset but since they already knew I decided to just embrace it. It felt natural and we felt like a family. He went back home and we talked every day. He would call me early in the morning when he knew I was on my way to work. He made me laugh like no one else ever had. A few weeks later he told me he loved me. I said it back. He talked about marrying me. Our kids talked about being sisters. I drove down to see him one weekend and we had the most amazing time. He spoiled the heck out of me. I was in a happiness bubble. I got home and I could tell something was off. Then he ghosted me. I was a wreck. I begged for him. I cried so much. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I finally told my kids we were no longer dating and they cried and yelled at me. I told them he just lived too far and they begged me to move so we could be a family. I hated myself. After a few months my ex husband told me they were really missing his daughter and asked if I could still let them see her. So I sent Brad a text. He happened to be in town. They came over that night It was emotional for me. He basically said he didn’t think I was a good enough mom because I wasn’t doing more to keep my kids from their dad. He ended up kissing me and telling me he still wanted me, and then went back home and ghosted me again. I met someone else and when he ended things I needed to get away so I took my kids down to see him. This time nothing happened with us and I was focused on the new guy. It was good to get away and clear my mind. We talked occasionally after that. I felt he would only text me to see if I would still respond. I always did. For New Years Eve we made plans to do a party with our kids. My kids helped me plan it and they were so excited. 3 days before the party, he posted on Facebook that he was in a relationship. I asked if that meant he wasn’t coming… no response. They broke up after one month. Shortly after that his mom died. It broke my heart. My family was going to dinner and said I could take a date so I invited him but told them I was no longer dating him. They all got along so well. My family loved him. We had plans the next night to spend time alone. Of course he cancelled. We didn’t talk for months after that. Then around Thanksgiving he was in town and asked to come say hi. He came over and we talked a little. He told me he really likes me and was interested again. He invited us to spend Christmas Eve with his family. A few days before I asked if we were still on… no response. The next week he was in a relationship again. 5 months later he was married. This guy was a master manipulator. I had someone else in my life so why did I keep going back? I was told for half of my life no one would ever love me. I wanted validation. I wanted to know it wasn’t me. I wasn’t interested in him for most of that time but I still saw him because I wanted to know he was still interested. I didn’t love myself enough to walk away. Don’t allow anyone to do this to you. I dragged my kids into it. It was a nightmare. I learned to know my worth. I don’t need a man who would treat people this way to validate me. I am my own validation.